Writing retreat in tuscany

 Sounds so glamorous.  I arrived 2 days ago, driving south from zurich (IN SWITZERLAND), zig zagging through construction on the highway, detours and my own curiosity, passing Lake Como, Spezia and driving,maybe through Milan.  The signs reminded me of when I was young and backpacking and in love and traveling and on vacation from shitty jobs and traveling.  (The jobs weren't shitty, I was shitty in them).  (Just in case anyone from those jobs is reading and thinks "Well, Becky, job x wasn't all that bad, and you did get to work on that one fun project" and stomps off in a huff, disgusted with me).   

Anyway, enough naval gazing, I arrived, late (of course!) and it's raining like in the movieMagnolia.  (Does that movie hold up? People really liked it but i thought it was kind of over the top but i did love the aimee mann soundtrack and always wondered, what was thanksgiving like with aimee Mann, her Penn husband, Sean Penn and princess butter cup?)

And then, I see, a freaking porcupine.  And it's not just relaxing, it's scooting it's shot up with quills ass along the curvy single lane road, and the lights on my little pile of tin is torturing it, she's running away from the actual headlights, but keeps running into the heat of them.  And it's soaking wet and these thoughts come to my mind (does magnolia hold up, where do porcupines sleep and this is fun navigating these roads but one wrong turn and i could DIE).  

After 20 minutes of slow driving and turning, i get close to the house, and the hosts of the retreat (Tizi and Adrien) meet me in the pouring rain, the lady, Tizi, jumps in my car, holds my pizza and guides me to parking. Along the short distance (100 meters at most, to use the european measurement system, ahem), the frogs come and I think IT IS MAGNOLIA! THE FROGS were the BEST part of the movie!  We park, and I'd already pre-sorted my 'bring in gear' (Jammies, toothbrush, meds and clean underwear for the next day) and we ran in leaving the tin car to sit overnight.  I checked in, and crashed.  I don't want an orientation, I don't want the wifi I just want to get to bed.

The next day, yesterday, it was still raining so I poked around the house a bit (OH MY GOD IT'S AMAZING, everything you imagin a house in tuscany to be, wood beams, red tile floors, wood trim windows withy marlbe ledges, plaster walls, no tv, a true dream) and read the red visitor guide until Tizi and Adrien pop in, offiically check me in (I still owe them 5 Euro) and we retrieve my suitcase. I decide with the rain, i ought to just go on an adventure. So, I pick Lucca as that sounds promising and if it's like Akron, it will still be an interesting Akron to me.

As I drive back down, I don't see the porcupine, but i do see all the signs i buzzed by the night before "Casa blah" and "Lucca rafting" with a bus nearby, "Agricultura Tourista" and drive through hamlets with houses

all connected and the doors are RIGHT at the edge of the road.  At one point you cross a bridge and I think "someone should really be preserving this bridge and i shouldn't be allowed to drive over it with a tin car" (but who am I to be guiding the city planning principles of the hamlet in this part of tuscany?)

It's beautiful, of couse, in all the ways you expect: some beat up buildings, a stone bridge that arches but the arch 3/4 of the way across the river vs in the middle (Flooding?  my questioner brain starts to operate), but not many people.  Some industry in the middle (light manufacturing and seemingly gas works) and then I'm in lucca.  

More to come: I gotta extend this trip some more....

Goddamn those encouraging young people

 One of my friends is a "young person" in that they are in college, and a creative writing major and a major and gentle encourager of my tip tapping and writing. So, I'm revisiting this blog. For those of you who are new: the whole point of this blog is to not edit.  To not curate, to not overthing and to just write the first draft and put it out there in the world. SO, with that in mind, here i go.

The dunkin' on addison by the highway on the northside of chicago is a vibe. I usually go there in non-vibe times:  say, 130 pm, as I'm rolling into work (relax, we have flexibile hours there) and I'm picking up my mobile order.  But yesterday, saturday morning, the drive thru line was bumping, and i needed to get to the green city market to see all the young yuppies with babies and golden retrievers buying overpriced peppers...so i skipped the drive thru and went to the walk in.  And man, it was packed.  To my most bitter disapointment, they did not have maple cream, the most superior of donuts, but I got a maple glaze.  A very cute gentleman opened the first door for me, and then I opened the next for him.  He maybe gave me a little look? I've lost a shit ton of weight, I was wearing my cowprint cutoffs and I did look pretty cute, so, look noted and deserved.  Anyway, if you are out there fella:  let's meet at that dunkie!

Anyway, i got the maple frosted and my usual dunkie (large, ice coffee, extra skim milk, 3 stevias so I don't get cancer) and while waiting, I saw so many neighborhood protoypes:  a pregnant lady her 2 young boys and dad (is she expecting a girl and totally pumped?), some old dudes clapping each other on the back and laughing (god forbid men hug), and one solo man, on his phone, sitting in the corner, sipping his coffee and he had a very impressive moustache.  the ice cream looked delish (WHY IS BASKIN ROBBINS NOT ON THE DUNKIE APP? YOU ARE LEAVING MONEY ON THE TABLE BASKIN!  TELL ROBBINS AND GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER) and the crew was moving, turning, moving around each other like a free skate on saturday night at the roller rink: good music, good speed, good clearance and impressive on the fly maneuvarbility.

I was, and am, delighted.  In fact, I'll be going there again shortly.

After, I went to the "rock beach" or maybe "stone beach" as the young person wants us to call it and that same young person god damn encouraged me to 'send me your writing'.  WHAT THE FUCK!

I then went home, and pulled every week I could, listened to the amazing Lena Dunham book, "Famesick" that i don't want to be over and then met dori and crew at montrose saloon. AND IN WALKS GODDAMN ROD BLAGOIVICH and PATTY!  We chatted with them, I gave patty my number to go play tennis and we shall see! 

I do love chicago, I loved that god damn green city market and bought some cukes and then even got to target to get my hipster glasses and coffee.

And here you go M, check out my writing;  It's currently stream of conscious meets me trying to be clever and true and somewhat snarky.  We will see if I keep it up but god damn, you inspired me.

TikTokTok

 hi to my many fans!  It's been a while: so quick update on life. I got a job! (In advertising, then in advertising sales, and also in media planning for retirement communities) and then I got the dream job!  I am working at TikTok in learning and enablement. I get to get yelled at by colleagues who don't like feedback on training programs and then cry and leave our meeting!  I get to onboard people who are new hires!  I get to train sales people! I get to have 1:1 coaching calls where people cry and tell me the job is too much and then I go to my next meeting where everyone pretends like it's amazing!  

But mostly, I get to use improv skills to create a friendly, safe and honest environment where people can come to me and hopefully, learn and improve.

That is a dream job.

And I'm mostly grateful, pissed that I'm underpaid (why post jobs that are like mine, but the salary range is so much higher and not equal our pay?) but work with wonderful people and love love love every thing that I do.

That's a first: and I hope there's more of that to come.

Twisting and half nelsons and wrestling down the man

I FINALLY GOT MY UNEMPLOYMENT!!!!  it was very tedious, and involved me calling multiple times a day, writing emails into the void of the inbox of some part of the state of California AND engaging with my (former?) state senator.  I couldn't think of anything else, couldn't do my side hustle, couldn't engage in my helpful, useful leadership course ("What will you do to help a family effected by a death from Covid 19 for your capstone project??) and couldn't apply for a job.  Well, could, but didn't want to.

I was active on the reddit thread (sub-Reddit?) about managing your unemployment seeking angst, tricks of the trade and kept thinking Venus William's husband was going to yell at me for not knowing all the reddit rudolph game rules...

So, every morning, sitting in the loveliest most beautiful sunlit home here in Austin Texas I'd wake up, and wrestle with California, trying to make it submit to my needs.

And then, last wednesday, a few things happened all together:

1) My claim changed from "Pending" to "Disqualified"

2) The phone number didn't even put me through the 3 minute prompt session to get to the end and be told it's too busy...it just didn't work

3) I kept feeling like my brain was being zapped whenever I walked somewhere.  I am pro-happy pill drug, so this was making me concerned about dosage, etc.  '

4) The bank where the unemployment money goes showed all the missing deposits ($5K!) but also showed withdrawls, and no clickable way to track where it had gone.  Nothing in my main bank account, and I thought...I AM FUCKED.

I was zigging from task to task, getting zapped and in a terrible mood.  I called it "The Dark Night of my Soul" which made my sister Kitty laugh out loud.

ANYWAY, turns out the money landed into my Chase account (Don't rob me!) and all is now resolved.

And all weekend, all I could do was watch "Below Deck, Med", try to start and fail at bonfires and look at my Chase account online.  Like, petting the screen at how pretty it was to have that $ and daydreaming about which high interest credit card I'd put that money towards.  I did job search and such, but sort of half ass.  I was the most at peace I've been in the 8 weeks since I was laid off.  Life seems livable as I suck on the teat of the government cash cow.

And guess what, come Monday, I got a random call for a contract that's exactly what I want:

Temp to hire

Tech company with a good help old people "mission"

Create and host webinars

Run Events

Um, yes please???

And, even if that one doesn't work...I can finally start (or have chosen to start) to look for work.

PIN PIN PIN!

I'm a hero (again!)

 I was out on a walk, after a shitty day of calling unemployment all day and really feeling blue.  As I walked, I found an engagement ring on the ground--looked around--and there's a diamond store (or rather, an ethically something something store). I rang the bell and noone answered.  (the placard read  "one couple at a time" rub it in much?  i'm single and looking for love).  Anyway, their number to text was on the window, so even though I'm BROKE and haven't yet received $ from my unemployment from being LAID OFF and could use the cash from turning in the ring at a pawn shop, I texted.  And am turning in the ring.

UGHHHHH!

I'M IN TEXAS!

I'm in Ft Worth, living it up with my bestie friendie and her hubbie and two boys.  I'm in the guest room, and currently on a career workshop Google Video call.  I was on the unemployment phone line with California everyday, and kept getting hung up on until YESTERDAY when I realized I needed to keep calling...so after being on hold for a collective 4 hours:  I got through!  Turns out, I'm a qualified hardship case and it should be resolved in 3 days (WHAT?  I've been unemployed for 2 months and have received only one unemployment check).  So, I achieved my immediate goal.

AND NOW it's time to keep looking for job.  Or write. Or develop skills.  Or work on my resume.  Or do yoga.  Or start a podcast. Or get headshots. 

But it's sunny and warm and I'm injected into the life of a family and somewhere new and I'm happy.

PHEW

I needed that!  A little trip up to Michigan to see my BFF and her kids, inspired me to dye my hair.  Kristin does NOT like it when your hair is grey!  So chop chop I dyed my roots and cut my bangs.

We went to Ulta and I bought some good foundation (they call it CC cream these days) and I actually dressed up cute (well, for one day).  We drank wine, ate cheese and tried to watch Firefly Lane (CHEESY as FUCK).

Coming back this week, I kicked it up and applied for some jobs, got to work on earning my real estate license with classes and maybe I'll even go to the gym.  All in the midst of a snowstorm.  Impressive, no?