Happy?

hi there!  Has anyone read the Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin?  It's a really interesting book about a year spent pursuing the practical process of finding happiness.  I really recommend it--though I have to give some warning that it doesn't seem like her and her family have a financial struggle in any real way--and I can't recall if she addresses that?  But, I think they are very much of the Ivy League set--she clerked at the Supreme Court so she's very bright but maybe a little privileged?

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/28/fashion/28rubin.html

Oh shoot---I just read a NY Times article about her---and yes, girlfriend doesn't have to worry about money.  Or, you know, paying rent.  Anywho, having said ALL of that (why is money and class so important to me?  I think it's because I have half a foot in the world of Elyria, Ohio, and half a foot in the Yuppie land that is the northside of Chicago and a finger in some upper-middle class wealth and a tiny slither in true actual poverty and I just worry that something here is askew.  I got so mad when I realized Ellie Kemper was a KEMPER as in the money people.  I'd be doing a solo show at UCB NY too if I didn't have to work for rent.  But, I also LOVE LOVE LOVE her characters and what she does?  It's strange, a lot of people in the improv world do have wealth and come from privilege and same with advertising.)

Here's some clues that someone doesn't have to worry about money:

• Their mom was a stay-at-home mom who ran a few Hallmark stores (for fun!)
• They spent their summers at the "club" or in Maine or New Buffalo
• They spent their weekends at the family lake house
• They attended a "country day" school (when I first heard that I was like WHAT IS THAT?)
• They didn't work a teen job in high school during the school year
• They had a car in high school instead of a bike
• They studied abroad/were in the greek system/didn't have to work in college
• They went to a private college instead of a state school and don't have student loans
• Their parents stay in a downtown hotel when they come to visit instead of crashing in your bed
• They can buy lunch out everyday and make fun of your packed lunch
• They are free to go to auditions and gigs and don't have to pretend like they are calling in sick to work to go to a day audition
• Their shoes aren't pleather from Payless
• They don't have 3 roommates
• They don't pay rent for the first year in the "big city"
• They wear pearl necklaces and diamond earrings. Like, real diamonds.
• They wait until they find out how much the check will be from their dad to book their wedding venue
• They don't have to save for a down payment
• They shop at garage sales "for fun"!
• They shop at Whole Foods
• They don't have to pay for their kids' private school and college
• They shop at Nordstrom
• They know their way around a wine menu
• They flew on a plane as a child
• They skied in Colorado or Banff growing up
• They had their own computer in college
• They take a lot of cabs that aren't expensable
• They belong to a gym
• They grew up in a "W" town in Chicago (Winnetka! Wilmette!) or Shaker in Cleveland or blah blah Hills in Cincinnati
• They don't know how to clean because they grew up with a cleaning lady
• They have a first name that is a last name of someone's grandmother's maiden name

I mean, that is super-awesome and I'm sure all of those people are REALLY grateful for the jumpstart they were given in life.

But sometimes it feels like, if you have the leg up on money, you also have the leg up on free time, so you can go to shows or take a dream job that pays for shit or take more classes and not have to get to bed early so you get to work on time in the am.

I don't know what I'm saying here except that I feel a little tired of hearing people, including myself, talk about diversity and inclusion in the workplace (comedy, corporate, whatevs) and never think about how your childhood experience/finances play in to it.  To me, it's harder to overcome the financial barriers than anything.

I could not have taken the internship I got if it hadn't been paid.  Thank god for that paid internship that led to my first job in advertising where I promptly went into deeper credit card debt to afford to live in Chicago.  Yes, all my own choices but man, if I couldn't make the $ work and I had a good college degree, what about someone from a background where there isn't a safety net?  I could always bail on Chicago and go back home and live with my parents if I needed to.

OK, enough woe is me, but man, there was NO way I could have taken any gig I got without having saved $ or known I had a day job when I came back home.

How do people do it?

People are funded.  That's the secret that I didn't know when I moved to the BIG CITY---and an old boyfriend told me---many people get money from their parents to live in Chicago, to buy a home, etc.

I was like WHAT???

This whole time while I was trying to make rent, and live on this tiny salary, these colleagues of mine who made fun of me for packing a lunch were getting their rent paid by mommy and daddy?  Wait, what?  This person who lives in an awesome place can do it because they have a trust fund?  OH!!!!

I don't resent that (no, that's not true, i do resent it) but it just helped me understand.  OH!  That's how you can swing it!

Before I knew all that, I figure I was really bad with my money.

And, it turned out, I just didn't have an extra flow of family money.  I wish I had known that then.  Or maybe it would have made me mad?

Anyway, people who are family rich don't talk about it but you can tell because they work for a charity or can wait tables and stuff instead of getting a job with HEALTH INSURANCE so you don't go bankrupt when an illness comes.  Or maybe, that's just my family motto!  That, and you can never have too much plaid or children.)

Sorry Gretch--love listening to you and your sister, but I worry about money constantly---and I have a pretty sweet life compared to others I know (mostly back in Ohio, not so much here in Chicago where it's a lot of white college-grads tromping around the northside, cheering for the cubs and buying condos in up and coming areas to flip them).  But, anyway, I shop at Aldi, garage sales and try to save money by cooking at home, biking, taking the el, and using points for vacations to places I can stay for free.

This post has become about money!  I remember a few years ago, I realized I was complaining about money all the time, so I made a new years resolution to stop bitching about money. That's when I also gave up on pursuing acting in any real way.

A lot of parents I know tell me about how creative their kids are and how much they want to pursue theatre (or, typically, be a YouTube star) and I tell them be sure that the kid pursues personal finances, a marketable day job (not waiting tables!) as equally as the creative pursuit.  Because, when you're trying to MAKE IT---what will stop you more than anything is running out of money in very expensive cities.  And, you can't compromise your health and safety---there's just not affordable and safe housing options out there in NY or LA for a starving artist.  It's just not there unless you live with 6 people.  So, figure out your finances and then you buy yourself some time to audition or write or perform.  Those parents don't like to hear that (I think they've seen too many movies like "The Devil Wears Prada" where that girl lives in a "starter apartment" and it's amazing. Take a gander at Kimmy Schmidt---they are not JOKING about where she lives and the conditions of their apartment. Or what Jacqueline White did to get to her financial level.)  But, anyway, that's my advice.  Pursue it, tell your kid a lot of your competition is FUNDED and don't have to worry about rent or such and get a good paying day job with flexibility.

That's how I found happiness?  (Still pursuing!)