My sister Kitty saw them first---outside of work. She told me her colleague looked it up--monarch butterflies are a sign of someone coming from the other side to say "hey man, it's cool, I'm cool, you are cool"
So, I was worried about my birthday. I told my dad to pick out a really good card like mom used to do, and I planned a really easy breezy brunch, hang by the pool, easy dinner with Andy and John, movie.
Dad sent the card, I got some nice gifts in the mail, a bunch of facebook notes I couldn't quite respond to. And then, the day before, I was walking with pickle, where I always walk her, and there it was: a monarch. Crossing my path, flitting above and telling me it was cool. I cried and cried and then went home and chilled.
It's been a rough month--Andy got cancer, and he's going to be ok. It's a new year, and it's not the same cancer as my mom's. It's going to be ok. Some day.
Monday, February 4, 2019
Thanksgiving
Big surprise---lots of EMOTIONS around this holiday!
Last year was a really good Eldridge Thanksgiving---everyone was home in Ohio, and we even had a special guest star in my friend Kristin. At that point, mom had been diagnosed but not started chemo (I think? It doesn't really matter--but anyway).
I can remember the specifics of Thanksgiving 2017 really well---as Kris came in, and we watched the Macy's Parade and the dog show, like we always do. We had Bailey's in our coffee, and the house smelled amazing as the turkey roasted and we lounged and visited on the couches in the living room.
(Was Pickle there? My dad had banned her...so maybe she was back in Chicago?)
My mom had a few traditions for thanksgiving--including, if you smacked the turkey in it's bag, and said "Smack Smack" she'd holler back with a "Gobble Gobble". I loved coming home, and on Wednesday eve, sitting in the kitchen, or helping to bring in the tables from the sunroom, finding and adding in extra table leaves, pulling chairs from anywhere to accommodate everyone, deciding if we need a third table or not.
She would get hilariously stressed out--counting out the chairs, and then re-counting. Last year we had the biggest one yet--maybe 31? I can't recall...but 31 would make sense.
In no way did we expect that it would be our last thanksgiving with mom. In fact, it felt a bit like a celebration--as the diagnosis was so positive (Hodgkins instead of the much more serious Lung Cancer diagnosis we were bracing for).
My mom wore an adorable Autumnal flannel shirt---the picture we used for her obit came from that day.
Another tradition: my mom would take the whipped cream cans, and the grandkids would tilt their heads back like little birds, and she'd nozzle some whipped cream into their mouths. She used to do that with us, too.
And I loved to sit on the kitchen floor, with my back to the humming dishwasher, smelling pumpkin pies and the dishwashing
I wish I was in Ohio this year---but decided to not come home. It's a big expense, and even if Mom hadn't passed, I had already decided to spend it here.
In fact, prior to mom passing, I had planned to host an "Orphan" thanksgiving. So, that's what I'm doing this year. And it may end up being just me for most of the day---and that's fine.
There's been so many wonderful surprises in the last week. I went on an amazing bike ride with Bart on Sunday. On Monday, I went to Aldi (my happy place) and played volleyball and got SUPER mad at the guys for ball hogging and not setting up the girls to spike. But I had a ball.
Yesterday, Tuesday, was an emotional day but I called my dad, talked to Kitty about defrosting the Turkey and last year, and we talked ourselves off the ledge a bit, I think. And then, I ran into a bunch of neighbors--and as much as I was certain I'd feel miserable all week---little bursts of sunshine came my way. Pickle rolled in the grass like a fool, another neighbor complimented my bike, another and I bonded over our losses (her sister) and she shared that she cooks for everyone, delivers meals and then chills out. A good strategy! I picked up a special pie for Andy, baked sweet potatoes, made the cranberry sauce, prepped the veggies for roasting, the bacon for 7-layer salad and am all ready for tomorrow.
I'm planning to "call in" for the family blessing/prayer and will get to see everyone on the day of.
I'll be watching the WGN parade with Lis, via Skype or Texting, head to Andy and John's for morning mimosas, Skype with Tim and John, and sit on the kitchen floor, petting the puppies while the dishwasher runs.
Last year was a really good Eldridge Thanksgiving---everyone was home in Ohio, and we even had a special guest star in my friend Kristin. At that point, mom had been diagnosed but not started chemo (I think? It doesn't really matter--but anyway).
I can remember the specifics of Thanksgiving 2017 really well---as Kris came in, and we watched the Macy's Parade and the dog show, like we always do. We had Bailey's in our coffee, and the house smelled amazing as the turkey roasted and we lounged and visited on the couches in the living room.
(Was Pickle there? My dad had banned her...so maybe she was back in Chicago?)
My mom had a few traditions for thanksgiving--including, if you smacked the turkey in it's bag, and said "Smack Smack" she'd holler back with a "Gobble Gobble". I loved coming home, and on Wednesday eve, sitting in the kitchen, or helping to bring in the tables from the sunroom, finding and adding in extra table leaves, pulling chairs from anywhere to accommodate everyone, deciding if we need a third table or not.
She would get hilariously stressed out--counting out the chairs, and then re-counting. Last year we had the biggest one yet--maybe 31? I can't recall...but 31 would make sense.
In no way did we expect that it would be our last thanksgiving with mom. In fact, it felt a bit like a celebration--as the diagnosis was so positive (Hodgkins instead of the much more serious Lung Cancer diagnosis we were bracing for).
My mom wore an adorable Autumnal flannel shirt---the picture we used for her obit came from that day.
Another tradition: my mom would take the whipped cream cans, and the grandkids would tilt their heads back like little birds, and she'd nozzle some whipped cream into their mouths. She used to do that with us, too.
And I loved to sit on the kitchen floor, with my back to the humming dishwasher, smelling pumpkin pies and the dishwashing
I wish I was in Ohio this year---but decided to not come home. It's a big expense, and even if Mom hadn't passed, I had already decided to spend it here.
In fact, prior to mom passing, I had planned to host an "Orphan" thanksgiving. So, that's what I'm doing this year. And it may end up being just me for most of the day---and that's fine.
There's been so many wonderful surprises in the last week. I went on an amazing bike ride with Bart on Sunday. On Monday, I went to Aldi (my happy place) and played volleyball and got SUPER mad at the guys for ball hogging and not setting up the girls to spike. But I had a ball.
Yesterday, Tuesday, was an emotional day but I called my dad, talked to Kitty about defrosting the Turkey and last year, and we talked ourselves off the ledge a bit, I think. And then, I ran into a bunch of neighbors--and as much as I was certain I'd feel miserable all week---little bursts of sunshine came my way. Pickle rolled in the grass like a fool, another neighbor complimented my bike, another and I bonded over our losses (her sister) and she shared that she cooks for everyone, delivers meals and then chills out. A good strategy! I picked up a special pie for Andy, baked sweet potatoes, made the cranberry sauce, prepped the veggies for roasting, the bacon for 7-layer salad and am all ready for tomorrow.
I'm planning to "call in" for the family blessing/prayer and will get to see everyone on the day of.
I'll be watching the WGN parade with Lis, via Skype or Texting, head to Andy and John's for morning mimosas, Skype with Tim and John, and sit on the kitchen floor, petting the puppies while the dishwasher runs.
Diary of a distracted individual
I just returned from Sundance, in lovely Park City Utah.
It's Monday, I've got coffee, defrosted pork meat, a slightly hungry belly and a few hours of work I need to do.
Here's what my brain is thinking of instead:
I need to return some phone calls before I lose friendships
I should check on Dad in Florida and make sure he didn't have a heart attack
I hope Dad doesn't die like Mom did. That seriously was the worst thing I've ever dealt with in my life
I miss Mom so much, I should probably have a good cry about her. Also, am I ignoring my pain?
The holidays weren't as tough as I thought they would be without her
I bet next year will be hard. I should probably journal about that
Oh wait, I did cry super hard during the documentary about David Crosby, when he showed Cameron Crowe the "Our House" house. We played the song "Our House" for my mom when she was essentially in her coma. OK, I'm probably going to cry now.
I need to get toilet paper and coffee creamer and kleenex
I should workout today. Run? Hike? Treadmill?
Why does my dog walk away from me after I pet her for 3 minutes?
Andy is right, my dog is a weirdo
I should get on those job leads
I need to update my resume
Why doesn't word on my macbook let me change the bullet points on my resume?
England has some lovely secret historic homes to rent
I need to clean the floors
I need to re-hang these curtain rods. But it's a JOB
I need to get my California Drivers License
I really need to work
Maybe I'll take a nap today?
I use mason jars as storage for perishable food in the frig. Is that unhealthy?
I wish I had some avocado
The most exciting thing in my life is my new air fryer.
I need to go work
Right after I try to love on my dog, again
It's Monday, I've got coffee, defrosted pork meat, a slightly hungry belly and a few hours of work I need to do.
Here's what my brain is thinking of instead:
I need to return some phone calls before I lose friendships
I should check on Dad in Florida and make sure he didn't have a heart attack
I hope Dad doesn't die like Mom did. That seriously was the worst thing I've ever dealt with in my life
I miss Mom so much, I should probably have a good cry about her. Also, am I ignoring my pain?
The holidays weren't as tough as I thought they would be without her
I bet next year will be hard. I should probably journal about that
Oh wait, I did cry super hard during the documentary about David Crosby, when he showed Cameron Crowe the "Our House" house. We played the song "Our House" for my mom when she was essentially in her coma. OK, I'm probably going to cry now.
I need to get toilet paper and coffee creamer and kleenex
I should workout today. Run? Hike? Treadmill?
Why does my dog walk away from me after I pet her for 3 minutes?
Andy is right, my dog is a weirdo
I should get on those job leads
I need to update my resume
Why doesn't word on my macbook let me change the bullet points on my resume?
England has some lovely secret historic homes to rent
I need to clean the floors
I need to re-hang these curtain rods. But it's a JOB
I need to get my California Drivers License
I really need to work
Maybe I'll take a nap today?
I use mason jars as storage for perishable food in the frig. Is that unhealthy?
I wish I had some avocado
The most exciting thing in my life is my new air fryer.
I need to go work
Right after I try to love on my dog, again
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