So, dear Becky Bee

Last week was awful.  But this weekend was a comedy show with an old family friend.  My sister Kitty's namesake was my mom's best friend, the original Kitty.  Kitty died very young--and my mom said "I keep hoping that when Kitty was sick, and she volunteered for experimental treatment that it can help people now".  Both my sister Kitty, and the original Kitty's niece, are named after her, which always confused the Elyria Catholic crowds, as Kitty is a unique name.  So, Michelle, the other Kitty's sister, is a family friend, and lives here in LA.  She and I got together, last minute, on Friday, to see a comedy show.  We talked for an hour after on the street about my mom, her dad, who died too young, and the original Kitty, her godmother, and talked about how their graves are right by my mom's grave, and how lucky we are to have the wonderful families we have.

Anyway, I saw my mom the next morning.  Like, in a dream.  I woke up, forced myself back to sleep, because in my dreams, I got to hug my mom so hard.  So hard and long and I felt so much better than I have since she died.  Isn't that lucky?

My sister Beth said "Can you post your talk?"  I gave the eulogy at my mom's funeral.  I re-wrote it a bunch because at first it was super-focused on her last 3 weeks, in the hospital and in ICU.  But, in the end, the evening of the wake, the night before her funeral, I re-wrote it again to be about her life, not her death.  At her wake, there were so many family and friends there, and it became about all of her 76 years, not just the last month of her life.

So, per Beth and my sister Kitty's request---here it is.  At the actual funeral, I was too blurry eyed to follow the exact words--but the story of my relationship with her is here.  It's just one lens of many who knew her---so it's biased.  But, to me, she was the most amazing mom, friend, chit-chat partner, garage-sale shopping, fun, funny mom I could have ever wanted.  Her and dad and my siblings nicknamed me "Becky bee".  Isn't that a great nickname?

xo


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Mom!

My name is Becky Eldridge and I’m Bruce and Mary Jane’s youngest child.  the baby of our family of 5 kids.

My dad shared a story about one day in a recent summer—her and my dad were in the pool just laughing.  I asked “What about?” and he said “Hell if I know. Just spontaneous laughter”.  That’s them to a tee.  They would hold hands, give each other smooches, go for long drives and just chat.  The greatest love story of all time.  At the hospital, my dad came in the morning and the evening, and we'd sneak away at night, so they could hold hands, watch the Cavs (lose), and have their date night.

My mom also had a wicked sense of humor, and in the last few years, really enjoyed texting.  Except, she’d be texting and midway through say “OOOHHHH!!!!  That’s not what I wanted to say”.  She’d send email in capital letters---which, in email language, means she’s shouting at you.  I never told her because it made me laugh.

My mom had the biggest smile—it would light up a room.  All of the 16 grand kids loved LOVED seeing my mom.  Lots of hugs, and always willing to lend a helping hand.  And that crazy curly silver hair!  It was her signature!  We couldn’t find a good wig and knew we never would so she went with a new, shorter haircut look during chemo.

My mom loved, in no particular order: Paul Newman, General Hospital, super sweet iced tea, HGTV, prime rib, the Plaid store in Chicago, George Clooney, lake erie perch from oh boy’s, The Rolling Stones (especially the song “Beast of Burden”), garage sales, watching the Olympics, the good wife, sweet white jug wine, Prince Harry a good reuben and Bruce, our dad.

My mom and dad could be found at many events for us kids, and their 16 grandkids.  They loved cheering everyone on, and knew the importance of “showing up”.

My mom and dad loved to travel in the motorhome, to Europe

(not in the motorhome)

and down to Florida with the Canadians (as we call them) who are here today.

I can still remember her cooking away on the tiny motorhome stove while my dad barreled across Nebraska.  Our favorite family memories are from those trips “out west” and the holidays.

My mom loved Christmas—carrying all the traditions from Mimi’s Christmas, Cousin Gift exchange, singing until Santa comes, and all being together.

My mom was very involved in church here at St. Mary’s, volunteering at the meals for the needy on Tuesdays, donating to the wonderful Blessing house, attending mass with Father Charlie.  All of us kids made the various sacraments here—and she found great comfort in her faith.  We know in our hearts she is in heaven now, seeing her beloved parents, who she was very devoted to, Mimi and Pa, her best friend, the original Kitty, my father’s parents, and many friends taken up.  I hope they are playing cards!

My mom also loved to get together with the “Club” ladies, play Golf with the Putter Puffs, Volleyball and Pickleball with her friends and family at the Elyria Rec and kept busy hitting any garage sale or estate sale she could find.

One time when we were teenagers, my mom and us girls were shopping—she pulled a shirt out of the rack, held it up and asked “What do you think” and one of us responded “You can never have too much plaid, mom.”  She scrunched up her face, and walked away as we all three laughed.  That's why we are wearing plaid today!

When my mom was diagnosed last fall with Hodkins, she went up to Goodwill and got a bunch of puzzles.  She knew busy hands help take worry away. 

She never complained when she was sick—she’d say “It just sucks”. She’d say “Your dad is my hero”. 

The staff at the hospital also said “When your dad is here, she really lights up”.  They both lit up for each other.  My mom and dad were married for 52 years---My dad said the other day  “I never needed anything else but her.”

And my uncles--her brothers!  Uncle Tom, Uncle John and Uncle Lee.  Our uncles knew her all her life—she was the baby of their family, too.  They doted on her. And our cousins doted on her, too. We really hit the jackpot with our family.

So, looking out at all of you last night, today, and all the wonderful supporters during chemo, and during her whole life---we say thank you, we love you, enjoy your reubens, your trips to Florida, your friends, your family.

We will miss you mom at thanksgiving, Christmas, Memorial Day parade and every day.  Thanks for being the best mom on the blockJ

And here’s our prayer we’d say every night: God bless mommy and daddy, beth, mark, paul, kitty and becky, Grandma and Grandpa, Mimi and Pa, all our aunts and uncles and cousins, everyone we love, and everyone in the whole world, Amen.

And god bless you, Mom.