My boat is bigger then your boat

A lot of times in port, there will be more then one cruise ship. I always scan the "other" cruise boat, trying to figure out if it's better then mine. Where do the crew sleep? Where is their buffet? Do they have a comedy show? Their deck chairs are nicer!


I think the passengers do the same.

Which do you like better?

B

Can I get a whoop whoop?

Monday, February 26, 2007


I’m sitting again in the Conservatory, and the cruise staff is leading bingo behind me. The cruise staff works as entertainment directors for the cruise. Right now, Jay Pepper, is hosting bingo. Jay’s fascinating to me—he’s that guy at spring break in Daytona that was on the mic and led everyone in a topless volleyball game. Or, that guy at the Frat house who got everyone to play beer pong, and drew up a tournament schedule, but didn’t make it seem dorky. As he calls bingo, he regales the players with stories and tips for upcoming ports. Occasionally, he’ll do a check-in to raise the roof on the bingo players’ enthusiasm. As in…”How are we all doing out there?” or, “Let me hear you!”. This sort of crowd banter drives some people nuts---I’m somewhere in between. But I guess today I’m ready to get off the boat, because when he mentioned the Bluebeard Beach Club as a cool place to go, I hollered and whooped---“whoo-hooo! Yah! Bluebeard’s”. I was surprised by this, and immediately seized my whooping. But still, these antics can be catching on board the ship. Let’s get the party started, y’all…..St. Thomas tomorrow.

Everyone loves Chocolate

Friday, February 23, 2007

“We’re true chocolate lovers…we’re carrying the stroller down the stairs.”

A mom and her friends on the way to the Chocolate buffet.

Private Island, part 2

Thursday, February 22, 2007
Joe and I headed to the Great Stirrup Cay again today, to hike on the trails. We followed the outlines of a service road, and saw some abandoned buildings. I am fascinated with building like these---and wondered what they had started as and why they weren’t finished and who would start a project like that and never come back to finish.

We saw a lot of lizards along the way, and other passengers kept pointing them out to us “Did you see the lizards?” Yes, we would say. “There’s a big one coming up here.” Everyone was taking pictures, so I did, too. The lizard did not have much to say.

Private Island, do what you want to do

Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Joe and I went to Great Stirrup Cay, the private island owned by Norwegian Cruise lines. It’s actually very cool—with a nice beach, lots of hammocks, a couple bars, lots of food options like burgers and pizza, a little shopping area, beach volleyball courts and a coral reef. It really looks and feels like a resort and we enjoyed watching the quarter moon’s light reflecting off the water. Joe said “I know a lot of people make fun of the private island, but I think it’s quite nice.” I agree.

Ghostrider BLEW

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Port Canaveral Mall! We all headed to the mall and saw “Ghostrider”. Port Canaveral days are very exciting and important to the crew, because there’s a mall, a Wal-Mart, a movie theatre and a crew-friendly bar that sells international calling cards and offers phones to use them. I liked it, because it had free internet and I watched the new episode of Lost online.

Ghostrider was lame. Totally lame. I used to think that for every 10 Nicholas Cage movies, 9 were bad, and 1 was good. Now, I can just acknowledge that he was really good in Moonstruck and Leaving Las Vegas, and the rest are crap. I think his famous uncle should sit him down over coffee and give him some career advice. No more action movies and no more toupees is where I would start if I was his uncle.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Another crew party! This one was on the ropes deck, where the deck crew works.
The ropes were huge and coiled around big barrels. The deck was decorated with nautical flags, and painted sheets that said things like “Welcome to the rope deck party”. They served roasted pig on a foil-covered tray, salad, fruit and Coronas. It was really fun—my favorite part was seeing the ropes up close.

Monday, February 19, 2007
Everyone kept saying “there’s 600 kids on board next week” with a sense of dread in their voice. Now I know what they mean—the place is crawling with kids, especially teens, who spread out on all the stairways, and glare at you from their cast-down eyes.

Last night, Carly, Darryl, Homer and I were playing Hoopla, a new game in the game room, and a girl came in who was DRUNK!

Some of the teen girls are dressed way cuter then I am. Well, actually, most of them are.

There’s a hot dad or 2 on board, too.

I don’t mind kids—I have a ton of niece/nephews who amuse me to no end. But, like a lot of the crew, I’ve picked up the mantle of “Get me the f out of here, they have invaded our home.” So, I type away in the internet room, a haven from the screaming.

I just heard two ladies debating about a mutual acquaintance.

“She’s from Belgium, but is living in Australia.”

No, she’s not from Belgium, she lives in Belgium.

No, she’s Australian, but lives in Belgium.

I don’t think they resolved it.

Kids at raffles with their dad…

“Hey, you guys went to go to the gym?”

Girl 1—no, I don’t want to go.

Girl 2—I do! I’ll go.

Girl 1—oh yeah, I mean, I’ll go. To play volleyball.

Dad—ok, let’s go.

Mom—(in thick Jersey accent)---you are not going to the gym. You are not going.

Artichokes are sanitary

Saturday, February 17, 2007
(pic of Gentelman's)
I was in line at raffles for lunch, and this man behind me said “Give me a few artichokes.” Since we are in the “sanitary” mode at the buffet where people serve us—the woman gave him some. “That’s too many! I said a few!” he snapped at her. And she has to do this all day. It took all I had in me to not say something to him…but what’s the point. People pay to come on and behave however they want.

Later, in the Gentleman’s room, I heard one man say “My Spanish isn’t as good as it was on my honeymoon. That was almost 20 years ago”. He paused, and then said
“We have a large Spanish population in Jersey.” I think he meant Spanish-speaking.

February, 13, 2007
Today in St. Thomas, we had a great day. I went on the Screaming Eagle with Homer, Joe and some passengers.

The Screaming Eagle is a super-fast powerboat thrill ride. We rode around St. Thomas, and our “Captain” pointed out the St. Thomas homes of David Letterman and Michael Jordan’s mother. They’re neighbors! Maybe they have coffee together sometimes.

The Eagle rocked us around, spinning in 360 degree turns, spraying us with sea water. It was actually really fun, and I found myself screaming and laughing and enjoyed the sun on my face and my soaking wet street clothes.

After a while, we pulled up to a cove, and the Eagle shifted to idle mode, and we circled the cove looking for giant sea turtles. “Some can way 100-plus pounds” said the captain. “Keep looking, we’ve seen some really big ones over here before. They’re endangered, but beautiful creatures.”

I looked in the water for a bit, but then turned my attention to the propellers of the Screaming Eagle, thinking that would probably be the most likely place to find a sea turtle flipper.

Raffles joker

February, 16, 2007
(pic of worker at Raffles)
Today is my 14th day on board the spirit, and I think I’ve reached the sleeping stage. Is this what happens to everyone? Last night was the crew party for Valentine’s Day. It was really fun--the crew welfare staff decorated the crew bar with foil hearts, there were pics to be taken in front of a Valentine’s Day backdrop and crew members up for bid for a date.

I mainly hung out with Carly, Homer and Joe.

“Are you causing trouble? You look like you’re causing trouble!” heh heh heh.
Old man to Raffles hostess who hands out the silverware.

Trions are a 3-way presidential debate

Thursday February 15, 2007
“You’re a liar! Liar!”

Audience member to me, in Liar’s Club.

I participated in Liar’s Club, a game show that a lot of the Second City boat folks perform in on the various boats. Our show is in the Galaxy of the Stars. There are 4 panelists who are lying to the audience about the definition of the word. One of the 4 panelists is providing a true definition, while the rest of us make it up. The audience votes on which panelist they believe is telling the truth and which ones are lying. You tell an elaborate story that makes your definition sound even more real.

The first round, I defined the word “Trion” as a presidential debate that involves three parties, instead of the usual two. For example, in 1998, Bob Dole was from the Republican party, and Bill Clinton from the Democratic party, and Ross Perot represented the Progressive party—so the debate was a Trion. On that round, I received the majority of votes that people believed me. But, I was lying—a Trion is the fig leaf worn by Adam and Eve. After that, the audience turned against me, and wouldn’t believe me even when I was telling the truth. It was pretty fun.

Valentine's Day bubbles

Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Tortola is my favorite port because there’s a bookshop, a bakery and a little coffee shop with iced drinks. (pic of tree)

I’m sitting in the little tiny café breezeway courtyard attached to a hair salon. I’m having my very first iced coffee of the month of February. I’m a sucker for iced coffee. The café is decorated with Valentines Doilies covered with Snoopy Valentine’s stickers. They bedeck the windows, the walls and a tree, like ornaments.
I keep seeing a chicken go by, but haven’t been able to get his picture, yet.

Back in Ohio, where my family lives, it’s bitter cold and everyone stayed home today. My oldest sister Beth emailed that everyone is grumpy and cranky—I wish they could be on the cruise with me. I think of everyone, Beth would enjoy this trip—it’s perfectly suited for her and the family. Pool, kids activities, food, beaches and fun. She’d love it.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007
St. Thomas is one of the US Virgin Islands. On our second St Thomas day, Joe, the piano player, and I headed to Bluebeard’s Beach Club. I liked traveling in the taxi—they are trucks with open back—more like a trolley with benches attached to a truck front.

Hand Sanitizers at Every Eating Establishment

Monday, February 12, 2007
(Pic of Deck 7, outside of Henry’s pub)
I met a woman today outside on Deck 7 who was having some tummy trouble. She didn’t think it was seasickness, but a bug. Sure enough, the next day, at the buffet, Raffles, we weren’t allowed to serve our own food or get our own drinks. This has been going on for a few days—so there must be something passing around. People are always happy to talk about diarrhea and their health on board—and I heard some other people talking about someone’s GI today—and it didn’t sound good.

I’m avoiding the passengers as much as I can to avoid getting sick.

Hand Sanitizers at Every Eating Establishment

Monday, February 12, 2007
(Pic of Deck 7, outside of Henry’s pub)
I met a woman today outside on Deck 7 who was having some tummy trouble. She didn’t think it was seasickness, but a bug. Sure enough, the next day, at the buffet, Raffles, we weren’t allowed to serve our own food or get our own drinks. This has been going on for a few days—so there must be something passing around. People are always happy to talk about diarrhea and their health on board—and I heard some other people talking about someone’s GI today—and it didn’t sound good.

I’m avoiding the passengers as much as I can to avoid getting sick.

Brad Pitt or George Clooney?

Sunday, February 11, 2007.
(pic of dressing bottles)
I slept in today, and then watched Ocean’s 12. Brad Pitt has never really done it for me—he seems a little bit like the student council president who stumbled into Hollywood and tries to legitimize his intelligence by being way into architecture. But, George Clooney still wins me every time. On TNT’s primetime in the daytime, which we get in the cabins, they play episodes from the early days of ER. In a recent episode, he realized he had been ignoring his fiancé, Carol because he had been so busy doing reports on the emergency peds department. So, he came home early and climbed into the bathtub with her, with his clothes on. They ended the episode there, but I imagine the water level in the tub got to high, so they had to get out pretty quickly to avoid flooding the bathroom.

In the gym today, I was on the elliptical, and I was flanked for a few minutes by two women who were wearing street clothes, and on the machines for the novelty value of working out on their cruise. They spoke back and forth over my head, so I could barely understand the movie dialogue.

After my workout, at Raffles I sat next to a passenger couple that was comparing the salad dressing presentation to Celebrity Cruises.
“You wouldn’t see the bottles just sitting out like that on Celebrity. Even if they were from a bottle, they’d at least put them in a little thingy.”

Off to rehearsal…..and then scrabble and maybe recovery of my internet card. Busy day!

Rockitt Man

Saturday, February 10, 2007
(Pic of stardust)
Tonight, at the Stardust Theatre, I saw the magician, Bart Rockitt. For one of his tricks, he brings on his 17-month baby onstage and makes him fake pee.

He also has a dummy that he does a 20-minute bit with. I’m not a big fan of ventriloquism because I always find the puppets creepy, and I find myself looking for the trickery instead of watching the act.

I talked to Bart earlier in the week, and he’s enjoying his cruise. Though, he gets frustrated, because back in Branson, MO, they can do higher profile tricks then they can on the cruise.

His big closing number involves a snowstorm made of paper and a little boy with cancer…but I don’t want to spoil it for anyone who might go see Bart in Branson, MO.

Snoozing, my new favorite hobby

Friday, February 9, 2007
(Pic of sleeping passenger in galaxy)

Overheard in the Observatory: “I heard your voice, but I think I was asleep.”

There are always a lot of old people taking naps in the observatory.

Steak at the Office

I’m sitting in the observatory, which is a glass atrium with seating areas, nautical knickknacks and a great view of the ocean. It surrounds the galaxy of the stars, and is a favorite haunt for over-hearing passenger conversations. On days when we are at sea, they pack the calendar FULL with activities. I’ve placed myself smack dab in the middle of a cha-cha lesson.

“My name is Christian, and I am learning to do the cha cha cha. I am from the Philippines Are you read to cha cha cha?”

Norwegian is really into showing off the international nature of our crew. In reality, I would guess that 80% of the crew members are from the Philippines.

One of the passengers on the dance floor is leaning on a cane and wears an owl sweatshirt. Christian asks:
“Who here is learning the cha-cha-cha for the first time?”

The owl lady raises her hand.

Christian asks:
“Who here has learned before?”

Owl lady raises her hand again.

Christian continues:
“One two cha cha cha
Two two cha cha cha

Very good children!”

The passengers are like children in many ways---they take naps, they eat at certain times and they like to play with their new friends.

On the same day, I also overhear passengers talking about a steak place called the Office, in New Jersey.


“That steak was voted the number 1 steak in the jersey.”

If anyone knows about the Office steaks, can you confirm for me please?

Can't isn't in the dictionary

Wednesday, February 7, 2007:
Today we went on an excursion in the Dominican Republic, on a catamaran. We snorkeled and sat under palm trees. To get off the boat, passengers had to navigate an 8-step ladder into the water, in flippers. It was even harder getting back on the boat from the water, and one woman in front of me was really struggling.

“I can’t get up. I can’t do it.”

Her friend gave her some encouragement:

“Don’t say can’t. Can’t is a word that they should have never put into the dictionary.”

Technically, she’s right.

Sea Legs

Saturday, February 3, 2007
We’re about to go to dinner on the boat. The ship rocks and lilts below me, left and right and this sort of central centrifugal thing, too. We’re eating at Windows, which is the main dining room on the boat. I think we ate at Windows—I’m writing this retroactively.

First day on the spirit

Friday, February 2, 2007.
I’m working as an actor for The Second City at Sea, about the Norwegian Cruise Lines’ ship, the Norwegian Spirit. We perform two shows—a best of Second City that consists of classic scenes from the Second City archives, and another show, Scriptless, which is a completely improvised show.

I have my own cabin. So I’m very lucky. And I’m reminded of that a lot from the cabin-sharing fellows.

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